across the wire

my week in chicago part I

2008-05-12T09:44:00.011-05:00

My recent trip to Chicago brought me sightseeing in the heart of the downtown. This picture was taken at Millennium Park at this piece which I affectionately refer to as the silver egg. Later, with some internet searching I believe it is actually referred to as a "cloud gate"

The architecture of the downtown was an amazing combination of old and new, even a cow to share in the sightseeing!

Perhaps the best experiences of my trip to Chicago are things I don't have pictures of. My favourite experiences were in meeting new people. Strangers were friendly and willing to invite you to their table (more on that later) or stay with you at the pub and have another pint (more on that later too).

Yup, there were many cool things to share from my trip to Chicago. More pictures and stories to come.

my worst fear

2008-04-25T08:46:00.005-05:00

I was confronted by my worst fear in my own bed last night. I am terrified of spiders.

Last night as I crawled into bed, I pulled up the blanket to cover me when I saw a black object dart quickly away from me and run over my leg. I shot out of bed and franticly patted my whole body down to check for more spiders on me. When I finally built up the courage to catch and squish it, it was so fast I had a hard time chasing it on my bed.

Having a spider underneath my covers with me, touching my body is truly traumatic. A bed is supposed to be a safe and secure place, a retreat for when you are frightened. Spiders are so creepy because they invade your intimate spaces, and violate you with their gross millions of eyes and unnatural amount of legs. I wonder, has this little demon been with me a few days? I have had two dream in the last two nights where I have accidentally eaten bugs. It makes me reconsider the myth that spiders crawl into your mouth while you sleep

I can still feel the spiders 8 creepy little black legs crawling on my body.

my new office

2008-04-11T09:47:00.004-05:00

Today is the first day in my new office...in my house.

I cleared out the clutter out of the spare room and took over the white board and computer desk my brother left here when he moved out.

Will this new move increase the amount of writing I get done? Maybe. I found this old blog post about the productivity of the home office interesting, but really I believe it comes down to the office rules you set out for yourself.

my new hobby

2008-04-02T13:23:00.003-05:00

I bought beer/wine making equipment last week and have started my new hobby of making wine (and soon beer).

I signed out several books from the library to get as much knowledge about wine making as a girl can get living in a non-wine grape producing region.

I made a few connections with some very interesting people at the Grape & Grain in Winnipeg and am looking forward to my first lot of Cabernet Sauvignon wine.

Up next, beer for Folk Fest. I think I might try Prairie Wheat to beat the summer heat.

the failure

2008-03-24T10:18:00.004-05:00

So I think I can safely say that I failed my Lent challenge.

1. I made too many exceptions such as my recipe contest. I splurged for the best ingredients in the name of practicing.
2. Life works unfairly in my favour: I have a house to live in, I have in-house laundry facilities, and roommates who share their food, people who paid for me at restaurants, and so much more.

3. $6 a day for living costs is nearly impossible to do anyway. That is not an excuse for my failures, but a further realization that it is ridiculous that people must live this way.

I did spend way less money than I usually do. My bank account is a little happier, and that visa bill is just not as big as it usually is. Also I made some fantastic money saving bread like this.

crazy canucks

2008-03-14T14:13:00.006-05:00

I stumbled upon this article today about the pioneering the eyeball tattoo. The Toronto man Pauly Unstoppable underwent the first eyeball tattoo attempting to turn his entire eyeball blue. If this crazy Canadian does not make your insides squirm, maybe taking a look at the tattoos of other folks will.

Thinking of getting a tattoo? Also linked to the page, a site that will help you make the decision whether or not to mark up your body...or maybe just things not to have permanently etched on your body. Check out the Bad Tattoos: A Gallery of Ink That Stinks which is where I found Jesus here.

from road rage to snow rage

2008-03-12T14:03:00.004-05:00

I get that winter can be stressful, what with the cold temperatures, the inconvenience of your car not starting, not not being able to park in your regular spot because it is a snow route, but it looks like people are less and less able to deal with the volume of snow. I caught this news clip on CTV this afternoon as I ate my lunch. Later, I found this story from the CBC.

I have a neighbour like this where I live. He tried to stop city workers from clearing the streets in our neighbourhood last winter because his yard (on a corner) routinely got a lot of the pile up.

(photo: Graham Hughes / THE CANADIAN PRESS)

a confession

2008-03-08T10:35:00.002-06:00

My first conscious cheat of this $6 a day challenge:

I went out for lunch with co-workers during a two day training session even though I didn't have enough in my budget for it. I went to DeLuca's for pasta with my co-workers. I ended up spending $10 for lunch, and regret ever penny of it as it was not nearly as good as what I was expecting.

2nd cheat of the week: I bought a $10 ticket to support a this band at their CD release party.

3rd cheat of the week: I bought wine to share for an evening, it was $10.

a change in the weather

2008-02-29T08:46:00.006-06:00

With the change in weather, my thoughts turn to once again riding motorcycle. Currently I ride a 500 Honda Shadow, red. -->

If I could, I would love to get a new bike. I am not much for Harley Davidson's look or trademark sound, but if there were a Harley I would like to ride it would be this one: 2008 DYNA Fat Bob.

But I think what I would really like to ride is this one - the VT750C2 Shadow Spirit by Honda.
Riding is just around the corner!

what the world eats

2008-02-27T11:36:00.021-06:00

I received the following in my email in box a few weeks ago and found it interesting:

Germany : The Melander family of Bargteheide

Food expenditure for one week: 37539 Euros or $500.07
Favorite foods: fried potatoes with onions, bacon and herring, fried noodles with eggs and cheese, pizza, vanilla pudding

United States : The Revis family of North Carolina

Food expenditure for one week : $341.98

Favorite foods : spaghetti, potatoes, sesame chicken

Japan : The Ukita family of Kodaira City

Food expenditure for one week: 37,699 Yen or $317.25
Favorite foods : sashimi, fruit, cake, potato chips

Italy : The Manzo family of Sicily

Food expenditure for one week : 214.36 Euros or $260.11
Favorite foods: fish, pasta with ragu, hot dogs, frozen fish sticks

Great Britain : The Bainton family of Cllingbourne Ducis

Food expenditure for one week : 155.54 British Pounds or $253.15
Favorite foods : avocado, mayonnaise sandwich, prawn cocktail, chocolate fudge cake with cream

Kuwait : The Al Haggan family of Kuwait City

Food expenditure for one week : 6363 dinar or $221.45
Family recipe: Chicken biryani with basmati rice

Mexico : The Casales family of Cuernavaca

Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09
Favorite foods: pizza, crab, pasta, chicken

China : The Dong family of Beijing

Food expenditure for one week : 1,233.76 Yuan or $155.06
Favorite foods: fried shredded pork with sweet and sour sauce

Poland : The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna

Food expenditure for one week : 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27
Family recipe : Pig's knuckles with carrots, celery and parsnips

United States : The Caven family of California

Food expenditure for one week : $159.18
Favorite foods : beef stew, berry yogurt sundae, clam chowder, ice cream

Egypt : The Ahmed family of Cairo

Food expenditure for one week : 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53
Family recipe: Okra and mutton

Mongolia : The Batsuuri family of Ulaanbaatar

Food expenditure for one week : 41,985.85 togrogs or $40.02
Family recipe: Mutton dumplings

Ecuador : The Ayme family of Tingo

Food expenditure for one week : $31.55
Family recipe: Potato soup with cabbage

Bhutan : The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village

Food expenditure for one week : 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03
Family recipe: Mushroom, cheese and pork

Chad : The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp

Food expenditure for one week : 685 CFA Francs or $1.23
Favorite foods : soup with fresh sheep meat

bad choices

2008-02-18T11:03:00.002-06:00

Making choices on $6 a day sucks. I made some pretty bad choices with my money this past week:

I rented 3 DVDs for $5.25
bought a bag of chips for $1.49
bought a specialty beer to enjoy with dinner for $4.11
lots of fresh herbs totaling $3.86

After including transportation costs ($21.00) I had used $35.71 of my weekly $42 budget on things that would not help me throughout the week. The remaining $6.29 went to buy groceries.

Technically I passed this week, but if I really had to live this it would be a failure. If this were real, I probably would not have been able to access much of the food I did consume which consisted mostly of pantry staples like dried beans, couscous, and soup stuff.

the first day was not so bad

2008-02-07T21:43:00.000-06:00

Did I mention my cheat weekend last post? Probably not. So during Lent, I have cheat weekend set up when a friend from out of town comes to visit.

The first day was not too bad. I spent $2.50 today: $1.25 on parking at the university and $1.25 on a Twix chocolate bar. I made 4 loaves of bread in the morning and I still have a lot of great food in my fridges.

a new challenge

2008-02-06T14:13:00.000-06:00

Lent starts today.
The lent challenge, can I live on $6 a day? Many people do. The SPCW illustrates with this pamphlet the living conditions that many Manitobans face when they need to rely on social welfare.

So here begins my attempt to live/meet my needs for 40 day on $6/day.
2 predictions for the outcome:

I won't be able to complete this challenge.
If I complete it, it is because I have a number of unfair advantages starting this challenge which makes it easier than the true experience.

The unfair advantages:

I have a lot of things at my disposal that a person on social assistance may not have: car, house equipped with cable, internet, a stocked pantry and fridge, an iPod etc.
My parents give me many things, including food.

The rules:

Use cash only and cash can be advanced one week at a time.
Transportation to and from work is not impacted by this challenged.
Prior financial commitments are excluded from the $6 budget (i.e. bills, gym pass, autopac payments, volleyball, etc.)
Just give it an honest go and keep a log on this blog. We will see how things go.

The exceptions:

I have a cheat weekend in February, when friends from out of town will be here.
I can use what I have. I have food in my fridge, I have a computer in my room, I a washer and dryer.

Everything that I think I need, I hope my 6 bucks will do. If I quit or can't complete, I'll let you know.

addicted to cute

2008-01-22T00:41:00.000-06:00

Several times a day I visit a blog called cuteoverload.com. The blog not for the faint of heart, as you will be overcome with cuteness and wish to squeeze and hug and bite and shake all these cute things.

Have you ever been in the presence of something cute and become overwhelmed with the desire to show how much you love it by an act of violence?

My friends daughter feels this way towards people. Can that end well?

wildlife in the suburbs

2007-10-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

More odd wildlife in the southern suburbs of Winnipeg:

A hawk is fairly ordinary when placed in its usual context, but a hawk sitting on a tree branch 5 feet above the grass on a lawn full of Halloween decorations creates an interesting sight! I never realized how massive these birds are until I almost walked right into one.

I was walking to the convenience store in my neighbourhood when I looked up just as I was passing a low hanging branch with a massive hawk on it. The branch came right up to the street so I was very close to it and its scary talons, sharp beak, and icy gaze.

I hope it has moved in to hunt the dumb squirrels in our neighbourhood.

Two stories about squirrels:

2007-10-14T23:10:00.000-05:00

Upon noticing a fist-sized green orb moving up a tree, I stopped to get a look at what was happening in a tree at the University. It turns out a squirrel had found a granny smith apple with only one large bite taken from it and was trying to climb up a tree to store it away. I watched it place the apple between two branches for later as another squirrel had come to try and take it. There was a fight. A squirrel fell. It was all such an interesting sight until I realized that I was standing still on a very busy pathway looking up at the tree like a dork. Still glad I noticed it.

Driving home, a very overweight squirrel was leisurely hopping across the road. Slowing down to give it time to cross, it would seem that the squirrel recognized it was no longer in danger. It slowed to a walk then a stop where it faced my and my car, stood on its back legs and chattered at me what I could only imagine was a squirrel version of "fuck you" just before it slowly walked away.

my new obsession

2007-09-25T20:14:00.000-05:00

I have a new obsession, the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Upon high acclaim from some friends I am in the middle of season two and have been very pleased. Luckily, I have two friends who share in my obsession even lending me their ears as I talk at length of the many ways Buffy is changing my life.

If I ever needed another reason to watch the show it came from my supervisor from work who stated that she wants her children to watch the show for its feminist values, strong and independent woman lead role and for the anit-status quo gender roles.

The only downside is that I watch about 4 episodes a day....and I feel like hitting the crap out of men and vampires. That can't be normal right?

the rumours are true

2007-08-21T13:03:00.000-05:00

I have alluded to the fact that a Starbucks may be moving into my neighbourhood. The rumours are true, and there soon will be a Starbucks about a 10 minute bike ride away from my house, which happens to be on my way to school, work, and almost anything else I do.

Should I rejoice, or should I curse?

Either way, I know my bank account may get smaller.

is there sadness in letting go of misery?

2007-08-01T17:11:00.000-05:00

It is the second day of August, 17 degrees outside, and sunny.

I am sitting in front of my computer.

Actually, I am sitting in front of my computer trying to overcome my writers block as I have an essay due on the 7th with no pages to show for it. As usual, I have procrastinated and only left myself a very busy week to finish the thing.

There is something different about procrastination this time. It is the last essay to finish my required course work in my degree. So why would someone NOT be rushing to the finish line? While I still have a practicum to finish, this current assignment puts to rest several years of course work. Ending school would make any sane person jubilant but not me.

No more courses? That is all I know how to do! This misery that I have been sailing through the past two years is sad to leave behind. Sometimes the change can be scarier than staying in misery. This music and video matches my mood (by the way, nice shoe Tori!)

So with grief in my heart, I wrestle with leaving behind the safe womb of the University and begin to enter the world.

some summer updates

2007-07-24T15:29:00.000-05:00

I've been camping with lots of different groups of friends during the summer, and am planning another camping trip this weekend.

Went to Folk Fest and now am going to the Fringe Festival.

Saying hello to some old friends and saying goodbye to some new ones and sadly watching the migration to the west.

Learned more about my own culture by studying a different one. Learned to accept what I have, change what I could, and share what I know. Shifting a worldview is hard work but worth it.

I think a Starbucks is moving into my neighbourhood. Is that good or bad?

What are your summer highlights so far?

quit your whinning sara jane

2007-06-25T12:22:00.000-05:00

Social Planning Council of Winnipeg has continued to release important information about poverty in out city, and help interpret how policy is really influencing poverty rates. The March 2007 fact sheet repeats all too common themes of poverty, however, if you are not already familiar with poverty issues in Winnipeg, these facts could be surprising.

Perhaps the most alarming fact is that welfare rates for many single people have been frozen for 15 years, and that single parents only receive $803 per month, approximately $10,000 per year. A single parent of 1 child requires roughly $30,000 annual income just to remain at the poverty line (LICO's 2005 rates).

So why do whine about my financial situation so much? Why can I not feel OK making $400 a month. So many people live with less. It makes me frustrated that I sit here feeling sorry for myself.

you can't buy my loyalty...or can you?

2007-06-06T12:53:00.000-05:00

This past year has drawn me into the library at the University of Manitoba, giving me a new relationship with this place. I actually like it here, I feel at home in this library. But what could make it better? Probably a Starbucks. The U of M Elizabeth Dafoe Library has proposed to hosting the coffee chain giant in the library by 2008. Perhaps in an effort to make the Elizabeth Dafoe library and its services more appealing to students and draw the masses in, I found others have already chosen this path. This article on a university trying to use a coffee house to get students back in the library and away from their personal computers seems like a good idea, but will it accomplish what they hope?

Would your favourite coffee chain make you more studious? Would you use the library (university or public) more if you knew that a venti caramel macchiato is ready for you in between reference isles?

another excuse

2007-05-23T09:36:00.000-05:00

Obviously, it has been a long time since I last posted. What is my excuse? I wish I had some cool reason, like I was in Africa helping orphan children where there are no computers to let you all know about my awesome adventures. Instead, the real reason is most likely due to my own laziness and general loss of interest in blogging. Who reads? Who cares?

So, I begin with my third attempt to keep this blog going. I admit, I will never post as diligently as this blogger friend, but that is because she is more ambitious than I.

dr. phil

2007-01-13T11:39:00.000-06:00

Dr. Phil has been an afternoon TV staple for many years now. From a rational emotive behaviour therapy approach, Dr. Phil tells (not suggests or encourages) people to "get real" about their issues. This apparently appeals to many "cult" viewers, and Dr. Phil brand psychology is helping to shape pop-psychology in America.

For me, watching Dr. Phil is dole out is self-righteous, right wing Christian advice is painful, however, the other day I was sucked into his show as he was talking about forgiveness which really stuck a chord with me. On his show, he had a young woman who witnessed her father shoot and kill her mother, and now he was a drug addict who has been in and out of prison for several years. This woman was seeking the opportunity to be in a relationship with her father once again, despite the pain and suffering he had caused her. After some conversation, Dr. Phil had helped her see that it was forgiveness she trying to give to her father as a last effort to be in a relationship with him and help him. Dr. Phil's response stopped me in my tracks for the first time. Very empathicly he said forgiveness is not at this point for others, it is for you. When you forgive someone, you are also providing closure for you to move on, because we have no guarantee that our forgiveness will change the behaviour and actions of others. Of course, Dr. Phil had a very eloquent way of saying it. What a concept, when forgiveness becomes about our own personal closure and a way to heal ourselves. How could this transform our world? We say we forgive people and when they do not change we are left hurting. But forgiveness as a way release ourselves from a crisis despite the actions of another...

How we do this is a whole other story.

rebound relationship

2007-01-09T15:21:00.000-06:00

So maybe the title is a bit misleading...but for the first time in very many months, I had a coffee from my ex-lover Tim Hortons. I was tired, lonely for coffee, and in need of caffeine and he was just there. So even though I have proclaimed that I have broken up with T-Ho's I rebounded. I still don't like the coffee anymore, and to be fair to myself, there really was very little coffee option on a Sunday afternoon in Winkler, Manitoba. I don't know how I am ever going to tell Starbucks what I have done...

taking it like a man part II a.k.a. "there is a pill for that"

2006-12-04T00:12:00.000-06:00

Women have been diagnosed with "mental illness" at a greater rate than men. More specifically they are diagnosed with depression, personality disorders and other 'mood' disorders a greater rate than men. There are multiple reasons and opinions as to why this occurs, and you probably have your own opinion on that - but for me what sparked this is conversation is what I believe is the medicalization of women's bodies .

I was listening to an NPR This American Life episode called "Babysitting" in which the last act of the program contains a story of a single mother and two children. Listen to it, I cannot describe well enough the complexity of the two children relating to their mother - she makes up fake appointments for herself, she tries to convince them to live in orphanages and calls her daughter a "whore" and she constantly is lying to her children. Describing those characteristics of a mother set in motion the automatic response to label her as "ill" in some way.

It was not until the middle of the story do I begin to realize the social context which this mother is living in. She is living in the 1940's with two children. Her husband dies and therefore she works and takes care of the children. She is socially isolated (they say in the story it is by her own choice, but if you listen carefully there are reasons to believe that it is the social climate causing her isolation). People have many reactions to stress and oppression - some physical and some mental. How can we place the blame and pathologize people for simply enduring their social situation?

Why is this a gender issue? Some how, some where our North American society has defined what normal emotion is. While I assume that many people would think that it is normal for women to be "emotional" and that men are normal in their emotional stoicism, yet we still try and emulate the masculine standard of feeling. Depressive moods, manic moods, personalities are all subdued under the careful eye of the physician and medication which often leave the person in a state of emotional stoicism. Women who are labeled "irrational" during their periods are given pharmaceuticals to regulate their mood, or subdue it. Now they can just "take it like a man" and suck it up - show no feelings. Is there an emotional standard we are trying to emulate? Is the prevalence of mental illness diagnosed in women a reaction to not being able to fit that mold?

if it is not the weather....then it is time for a mix tape

2006-11-28T22:03:00.000-06:00

What helps you deal with a mood? You know, that day that never seems to feel right, maybe you are cranky the whole day, maybe sad or lonely, maybe mischievous? What ever it is, it is there and nothing and no one seems to be able to change it. In a discussion today at school, we divided ourselves into two camps: those who want to change any negative moods into something better/positive, and then there was us - the "us-es" wanted to stay fully in what ever we were feeling. We discussed several methods of maintaining our moods. Some of us watched movies that mimic our feelings, some isolate, and some listen to music. That last one is me. I like to wallow in what ever I am feeling by making mix tapes that reflect different moods. I have a mix tape or CD for loneliness, one for anger, one for sorry, one for low self-esteem and a few more that are probably buried in the back of my closet. These tapes (and now CD's) are and were never meant to cheer me up when I have the blues, but to maintain and savour what ever funk I was in. Creepy I know but it is nice to know that there are a good few of us in class that have the same sadistic tendencies.

Sample play list from "a terminal world" 2006:
Lisa Loeb: How
Tori Amos: Gold Dust
Ani Difranco: Swan Dive
Kinnie Starr: Secret Song
Dave Matthews: Spoon
Counting Crows: Raining in Baltimore
Iron and Wine: Gray Stables
Teagan and Sara: My Number
Tori Amos: Tear in Your Hand
Remy Zero: Fair
Ryan Adams: Dear Chicago
Tori Amos: Cooling

21 days

2006-11-20T23:10:00.000-06:00

Yes more teeth problems. I thought that I could wear my retainer all day every day for a month to make it fit again but it was a lost cause (it still does not fit, and I have stopped trying completely - from now on, no retainer ever again).

Now I am on a new mission - to floss my teeth every night.

I don't know how many of you out there are regular flossers...I am not one of them. How do you do it? I hate it. Even when I floss for several days in a row, I still never seem to pick up the good habit. Which leads me to wonder if the common belief that it takes "21 days" to build a good habit even works with me? There have been several things that I have wanted to start, and even after a successful 21 days the effects are no where to be found. It is as if none of the repetition made it into my subconscious desire to preform that task. Is it possible that repetition as a form of conditioning just does not work for me or is it that I just lack any will power? Either way, here is to 21 days of flossing and more positive habits to be made.

"GO!"

2006-11-17T09:37:00.000-06:00

Tonight is the night! Jeremy and I are going to a live recording of "GO!" a popular Saturday morning show in CBC hosted by Brent Bambury. Hopefully we will have the whole crew there like "Contest Girl," Kai Black, and Elizabeth Bowie (Jeremy's connection to the show). So listen Saturday morning at 10am to you local CBC station to hear what we heard or perhaps catch us getting on to national radio!

taking it like a man part I (a.k.a. what makes me sick)

2006-11-01T08:35:00.000-06:00

*This is part one of many posts about gender issues surrounding women's sports illustrated by the Pasternak sisters human rights case in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

The last couple of months, a major story here in Winnipeg is that of the Pasternak twins (17 year old women) who attempted to play on the men's hockey team at their high school. It went to court as a human rights case, and they won the right to try out. This has been putting people on edge ever since. Reading the "letters to the editor" in the local paper made me sick to my stomach, the way that people feel comfortable in tearing apart another person, reducing them to object, and suggesting that they are less than human for challenging inequality. Here is a quote from Lindor Reynalds commenters on her column titled "Talk of the Town"

To all the self deprecating women who still vicariously feel the *stings* of past injustices I will say that M. Reynolds had it right the first time-they are spoiled little brats. Just because someone believes in something & creates a brewhaha about it doesn't mean they deserve our respect. I move around a few different sports circles in & outside of Winnipeg and I have yet to here a good word about this outcome, from either sexes. One coach has seen them play and made the comment that they were & are average players and would never had made the boys team whether they had been playing or not the last few years. All this nonsense is not only based on false pretenses-the girls never wanted to make the boys team, but the monetary *‘damages* they received is nothing short of disgraceful. Where do you think that money is coming from? It is coming right of Manitoba Amateur Sport, & their mission statement is, & I quote: "“An athlete-centered Sport Manitoba leads and supports participation and achievement in sport by all Manitobans." So not only haven't these 2 snots not been involved in sport for the last years, they have taken $7000 away from other kids who just want to play. Again, I will say it: SPOILED BRATS!
Comment by Jerome — September 29, 2006 @ 12:55 pm

This is comment is not unusual, nor is it apart of some of the worst, hateful letters to the editor that have been printed to date. I do want to contrast the comment in three ways:

First, the girls did receive about $3500 each get coaching and support in their hockey career. This came after a long court battle - so if you think they did it for them money, ask your self "if they did it for the money, why did they do it for such a small amount?" The point - for $3,500 you are not doing it for the money.

Secondly, are they not part of the category of "kids that just want to play?" My guess (and assumption) is that the write means "they should be happy to just play on a poor quality team."

Thirdly, I must let readers know that I too was prevented from pursuing my goals and was not allowed to play hockey (no girls team at the time) in my home town. They denied my request because they had no change room for me and I very vaguely remember being told "if you play, you are taking some boy's spot on the team." As a young kid of about 9, I did what all girls did in our town - I "chose" figure skating instead.

I ask you - is that acceptable to ask a girl to not try out for a boy's team because it might cause a boy to not be able to play? What gender (gender meaning the social construction of male and female roles in society) issues are working to prevent both men and women from reaching a conclusion to this issue? Why is this issue so important that people feel they have to call each other names?

time management

2006-10-26T10:12:00.000-05:00

One of the biggest challenges a student can face is not necessarily passing all those exams, writing term papers or even a thesis. What I have found is the most difficult things a student can do, is practice great time management.

A lot of the work load (while it is a lot) can be managed, especially since *most* professors offer a syllabus providing detailed assignments and time frames for assignments. What makes it difficult is coordinating all your assignments, resisting the temptation to procrastinate, and set clear and reasonable guidelines for your schedule. It also takes some skill to know which extra-curricular priorities will improve your effectiveness (like a good dose of exercise) and which activities will hinder (Thursday night faculty socials). Like may graduate students, I am given lots of time off from school to do homework. I have two days (Thursday and Friday) completely off, no class nothing. Just a two whole days plus a whole weekend free to do homework, so getting this course work done should be a breeze right?

If I sound like I have mad time management skill, I don't. I procrastinate (as evident by this post), I work too much at a job that takes too much time away from my studies, and I putter around my house rather than completing my readings.

So how do you write that thesis in two years rather than six? How do you manage 3 group projects at once? How do you develop quality time management skills? Help me!

the stupid thing that i did

2006-09-28T11:27:00.000-05:00

I used to wear braces, now I am supposed to wear a retainer to help keep my teeth in line. My orthodontist said I have severe overcrowding in my mouth and my teeth would move fast if not cared for properly. She also told me that I would have to wear my retainer everyday, all day until I was in university then I could consider wearing it only at night. She told me that in senior 2. 10 years later, I still wear my retainer....occasionally. It did not take me long before I stopped wearing my retainer to school every day. Nothing bad happened to my teeth.

Recently, I have been forgetting to wear my retainer at night (which I still do). Sometimes I would forget for a whole week and nothing really happened. Then on day, as I grabbed my retainer, I realized I had forgotten for a lot longer this time, in fact, I could not remember the last time I did wear it. Well, as you can guess where this is going, I tried to put it in with little success. I pushed so hard that I cracked a piece of it to finally get it in. Once I had it in, I couldn't get it out so I had to wear it until my teeth moved enough to pop it out. For anyone who has had braces, you know what that feeling is like when your teeth start to move, and to hurt, badly! So for the rest of the night and part of the next day I was transported back to my high school days of wearing a retainer.

my first really bad bike ride

2006-09-26T22:41:00.000-05:00

It was raining, that should have been my first clue not to take my bike to school. But, I did. As I was driving home in the pouring rain, trying to avoid being splashed by the passing cars, I thought my chances of staying dry on the side walk were better. I proceeded on the side walk for the next couple of blocks with some success. Soon I approached a car, perpendicular to me, trying to turn right onto the street I was biking along (on the side walk). She was blocking the path so in anticipation, I slowed down only to see all too late the SUV speeding down the road, hitting a large puddle and sending a *wave* of icy rain water onto me nearly knocking me off of my bike. Gasping and surprised at the shock of cold water, I looked at the woman in the car and I could see her fighting back her laughter to save me some embarrassment, but it was too late. I was laughing hard myself.

Those kinds of *bad days* are only fruitful when shared in laughter, even if it is a complete stranger. It was worth it.

my new addiction

2006-09-21T21:56:00.000-05:00

I think that I have a new addiction - energy drinks. It all started when I needed some caffeine fast and on a hot day so my usual drug of choice, coffee, was out of the question. So I picked one up, gulped it down and the rest is history.

Out of the several that I have now tried, SoBe Arush seems to be the most bang for the buck and with 50mg of caffeine added with guarana, ginseng, yerba mate and other energy boosting properties, I feel a moderate boost of energy quickly. It has a citrus, grapefruit like flavour which is much more convincing than it's competitors like Red Bull which tastes like those pixie stix you could buy in the 80's. (Maybe they are still around)

Macleans put out this article comparing the different energy drinks while the CBC seems to be more concerned with little punks who mix energy drinks with alcohol than with the energy uplift.

I simply do it for the energy rush.

how day time tv will save the world

2006-09-16T08:01:00.000-05:00

Now that I am a student, my schedule is fairly flexible which frees me up to watch some day time TV. What really struck me was was the subtle yet definite change in the diversity of people being represented - especially in "reality" based shows.

"Taking it Off" on the Discovery Health Channel featured several people trying to lose weight, was featuring a married lesbian couple. It blatantly showed their sexuality and all aspects of their relationship. On the Food Network, the show "Just one Bite" featured a family of two married men with two twin boys. "Passions" (my favourite soap) also featured a young black woman coming out as a lesbian.

In just one day of TV, not only was I able to watch about three same sex couples, it was a different exposure than seeing "that token gay guy" on any sit com, or "Will and Grace." Both "Just one Bite" and "Taking it Off" presented a real life couple, with ots of kissing, touching and acting as a married couple do as opposed to "the gay guy" being the comic relief in any show.

Has this been going on for a while or have I not watched day time TV in a long time. Its TV really trying to expand our views? Maybe TV will save the world.

my first day of class

2006-09-11T20:57:00.000-05:00

While school here in my neck to the woods officially began September 7, I had my first scheduled class today, September 11. I was happy to be back in school but my emotional state towards beginning classes today was at best described as "slightly positive" with little to no actual "enthusiasm." Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

During my first class as I was surveying the room, it looked to me that there are "classroom personalities." There is the student who takes a minimum of 7 pages of notes each class writing down word for word what the professor is saying. There is that keen girl sitting at the front "umm hmm-ing" and nodding her head at ever point the prof makes, as if she is connected at some spiritual level to the very essences of each specific point the prof makes. There is the computer student, who brings a lap top to each and types out their notes. Then there is my favourite - the question asker. They are the ones who ask questions, not b/c they are eager to learn, but they think that talking in class will make them sound smarter.

This only leads me to wonder, how do people see me in class? Am I the question asker? Do I unconsciously nod my head and smile while I close my eyes as I digest what the prof is saying? What is my classroom personality? I am leaning towards the "underachiever" personality.

you know you live in winnipeg when...

2006-09-09T14:01:00.000-05:00

...you almost get in a car accident three times in one day. Yes, Winnipeg has a negative reputation for many things, bad driving is only one.

The other day as I driving my motorcycle, a mini van which must have failed to shoulder check and sped into my lane. I thought I was going to puke in my helmet it was such a scary close call. I slammed on the breaks and skidded a bit, but managed to stay on. I honked my horn and he gave me a little wave as if to say "no problems right?!" Sorry buddy, that was a big problem.

Other things we as Winnipegers can be proud of besides our bad driving: we are supposedly the murder capital of Canada (per capita of course), we are the slurpee capital of Canada. Oh yeah, and there is a huge syphilis outbreak in Winnipeg/Manitoba! I am proud to be a Winnipeger!

hypnosis

2006-08-31T07:39:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been hypnotized? Do you think you even could be hypnotized?

A few years ago, I took a psychology course in which we talked about hypnosis and discussed some of the more fascinating uses for it rather than just entertainment. We looked at a case where an athlete underwent knee surgery with out anesthetic but was hypnotized to feel no pain. It was quite remarkable to watch the documentary on it. Then came the fun part: our professor hypnotized us as a class. It was quite the experience but very unlike what you see on TV or as a parlor trick. I have seen people wave their hands, tell you that you are going to get sleepy and 20 seconds later they are completely limp and sleeping. This was nothing like our experience. Or prof helped us relax through an almost meditative like speech and it lasted for about 1 minute. Some of the class at that point were hypnotized, some where not. He suggested that we would feel cold, or warm, unsteady etc. nothing unusual or embarrassing. I unfortunately was not hypnotized enough to feel it.

Here is a fun little exercise - take the quiz to see if you can be hypnotized and make sure you go on to the advanced quiz to be (slightly) hypnotized over the internet. (no, they didn't hypnotize me to give then my credit card number!). If you can't be hypnotized from it, at least it was a great 15 minute relaxation experience ;)

culture shock part II

2006-08-25T07:46:00.000-05:00

"Spinster and Lunatic" recently had an impassioned post about "culture shock " in the city of Winnipeg between her (and her usual group) and those that she works with. Honestly, I had thought that culture shock existed only when we remove ourselves from our country, but perhaps that is a limiting and short sighted view. Perhaps with in our small groups, we create microcosms of the national status quo, or for a lack of a better word, "micro-cultures." Leaving our "micro-cultures" and entering into another might just lead to the same symptoms or culture shock (albeit dramatically less severe) as leaving our home country.

Cluture shock is the emotional reaction to the removal of familiar social cues and symbols in our life and interactions. This is usually assumed to be experienced when we are immersed in a completely new culture such as that as moving to another country, or province/territory. But given the diversity of a city like Winnipeg, it is easy to see the dramatic differences in these "micro-cultures" by simply looking at geographical areas of the city and how they are perceived: the "granola crunching hippies" in Wolseley, the "red necks" of Transcona, the "rich conservatives" in Tuxedo and the infamous North End usually conjures up images of gang cultures.

In his article "Culture Shock and the Problem of Adjusting to a New Environment" Dr. Kalervo Oberg talks about culture shock, speaking about the symptoms that we are likely to experience, the different phases and how it is generally overcome. Although a "symptom" might be that we feel the other culture or group is bad/wrong and our beliefs are good/right, it is not always a conscious thought, but rather an unconscious belief and reaction that can live relatively unchallenged. It is not just how we see the other group that Oberg cautions about, it is also how we see ourselves that changes. We tend to see ourselves and our group as "better" and we perceive the other group to be "at us" or "against us." It may be why a person who is vegetarian and whose group is mainly vegetarian might perceive the reactions of non-vegetarians views and ideas as hostile/aggressive/uneducated etc. It may be also why we give the other group "othering" names that play to what we perceive as the "bad side" of the group and using it to define a negative quality we see in them. The example of "granola crunching hippies" is not a compliment when describing those living the Wolseley area.

Living in a specific group of people who help establish our values and beliefs, I suppose something as familiar as pizza toppings (which could be loosely interpreted as a social cue of sorts) may cause a reaction when we find ourselves with out those similarities. The result? Symptoms much like those described in Kalervo Obergs article: rejection of the new, and a strong bond to the familiar - so if tomato feta is your thing, then a new "micro-culture" proclaiming that pep and bacon is the best is met with things like "that kind is gross!" or "you would eat that?"

Obviously, there is no right or wrong way to create pizza, yet most of us feel strongly about a certain way and have a group that can support us in what our norms are. Same goes with so many other aspects of our lives - our group helps us create social norms and cues that help us interact well with our own group, but perhaps create more problems when find ourselves in another country, province, town, or even other end of the city.

Is it bad to have culture shock? Probably not, almost all of us will experience it at some level, whether it is when we start a new job, move to another city, or go to another country - we are being taken out of our familiar environment and our cues and our understanding of *our* socially constructed status quo becomes obsolete.

What do we do about it? In the article, one suggestion that was stated was that part of the final adjustments "the visitor just accepts the other culture as a different way of live" and that it is simply a matter of time before we can truly learn that lesson. In the mean time, we will continue to experience the symptoms of culture shock, create stereotypes, pass judgment, discriminate, value our own social norms, dislike the others norms, and exhibit intolerance towards groups or "micro-cultures" different than our own. I for one am not exempt from these shortcomings.

A second theory could be that this is all just be meaningless late night ramblings in which case, the best pizza is ham and pineapple with garlic and sweet basil in the cheese!

the pay off

2006-08-23T17:05:00.000-05:00

I bought a bicycle this summer to save money on gas, and increase the amount of exercise so to track some of these things, purchased a bike commuter to track my speed and kms.

It is the end of August, and I have had the bike for a few months and ride it pretty regularly. In total, I have biked 300 kms, I would say not bad for a novice biker. I must have been feeling ambitious when I bought the bike as I thought it would answer some of my problems with overspending on gas, but alas, I have in total saved approximately $20 and I do not feel more fit and healthy despite the increase in exercise.

I have figured that it would take me 2,250 kms on my bike to recover the cost of the it! Yikes. I thought this would be easier! It is going to be a long time until I see that pay off.

how to become a more organized person

2006-08-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

I am working from home for the remainder of the summer which needless to say has its benefits, but also has some major pitfalls. Personally, my biggest downfall is that I am disorganized. I create a lot of extra work for myself in the process of trying to keep everything straight, not only in my house/office but in my mind as well. I lose things, forget to answer messages and am terrible at booking appointments with out having to change plans a week later. How does one get to be organized, not just in a physical space, but organized (as a personality trait) to avoid missing tasks, missing deadlines, and missing opportunities? When you do not have an external motivator (like a boss close at hand) how can you stay on task?

There is lots of advice out there for people like me whose nature it would seem, is to be disorganized. Some suggest it is a matter of being right or left brained and must practice using skills of the left brain. Perhaps it is because I was not taught from a young age how to be organized that this characteristic evades me. It may be a matter of listening to the advice that suggests creating an organized space creates an organized person. With advice like plan, clear, set aside time, re-organize clutter, use day minders, etc. it seem that the problem is so simple - get the right tools and any fool can get it together. I have a day minder that I use religiously, but still cannot get it together. No matter the tool, I can always find a way to get my disorganized character to shine through.

Perhaps it is not a tool that needs to be used, nor a certain half of the brain. All of these things would help, but perhaps it is a question of motivation. Am I motivated to use my planner? Am I motivated to answer those messages? Am I motivated to stick to the phone calls all morning? The answer to all of these questions for me is "no." I have and use all kinds of tools for becoming organized, yet I still fail as I have no motivation to stick to them.

What are your tips for becoming organized? What works? What gets you motivated to work, when you are the only motivation?

all i have left is self pity

2006-08-13T09:40:00.000-05:00

I have just applied for a Canada/Manitoba student loan. I am feeling a little overwhelmed with it and scared of the possibility of owing more and more money, but it is needed lest I not be able to return to school in fall.

I wonder if this ever gets easier - applying to "borrow" money. I have at one point had $20,000 in debt and have slowly chipped away at it bringing it down to $8,000. Every loan I have ever applied for has been a terrible experience; not one filled with possibilities with the sudden income, but of overpowering anxieties of a new burden to carry. With the current loan, my total debt rises to $14,500. Despite the financial optimism of having three part time jobs, I have managed to make only $2,500 this summer, barely enough to cover my bills, food, gas, clothing, friends' wedding, and so on.

In the big picture, I have a very small amount of debt to pay back. What is worse is the anxiety, worry, fear, doubt, unfair allotment of bursuries/grants/scholarships, and lack of a current income more so than the loan itself. All I have left to comfort me is my own self pity.

Financial matters seem to get me the most worked up, but what makes you wallow in sorrow? Money? Time? School? Making a big decision? To all those out there who are feeling sorry for themselves, today is your day. I declare this a "self pity holiday."

i am breaking up...

2006-08-10T23:19:00.000-05:00

...with my old coffee fling, Tim Hortons.

I have been avoiding this day for a long time, but it has finally arrived and I must end my love affair with Tim. You might be thinking - "WTF?" or "can this be true?" Yes I assure you it is, me and T-Hos are over. I have been disappointed time and time again and there is just no other way but to call an end to my relationship with Tim's and I must admit after 11 years together, it is not easy and I will have to shed a few tears.

I am breaking up with this Canadian coffee icon for several reasons: I am really bored with the coffee there, they have blasphemed the good name of espresso based drinks, and have become consistently bad with any food offerings. The only thing that I still order from T-Hos is a blueberry bagel.

They have a "blended" drink they call an "iced cap(puccino)" which is simply a sugary, coffee flavoured syrup mixed with milk and sugary ice crystals much like a slurpee. This drink only faintly resembles something like an espresso based traditional cappuccino, and I feel Tim Hortons is responsible for ruining the image of a quality coffee beverage. At a regular cafe, when one orders a cappachino, they get espresso toped with some steamed milk and lots of foam. Nothing like what they get at Tim Hortons. My friend who works at Starbucks had a customer ask for an "iced cap" and when he brewed the espresso, added the milk and toped with ice (no sugar added) the customer went nuts stating "this is not right, make it like Tim Hortons." Shameful, simply shameful. Tim Hortons, don't call it an "iced cap" when it is really a coffee*like* slurpee.

The coffee is always the same, no change in taste, no change in strength, nothing. One brew for all. I am getting really bored with the same dirty old acidic blend they brew which is only out done by the over pricing of their poorly made foods. The doughnuts have become worse and worse, and the food menu expanding is making what was once one or two good food items, into several under quality food items.

Sorry Tim Hortons. My consistent support of you is over. You were my first cup of "real" coffee when I was 14 and to that I truly owe you a lot. But, as my tastes evolve so must my coffee - and you have simply remained the same. I know you will make many people happy, just not me. Maybe you can win me back someday, and in a pinch I will still honour you by buying your coffee every once in a while, especially on the trips to Saskatoon.

So, to my first coffee love I say good bye. :(

And to all other cafes out there, here I come ready to have you win me over. So far, "The Fyxx" is in the lead followed by very closely by Starbucks.

i am back

2006-08-09T07:59:00.000-05:00

*This post in in honour of "Spinster and Lunatic" as she is quite fond of lists*

Wow, it really has been a long time since I have blogged. I have been on a blogging vacation - which really means that I have been working and have not had the time to visit this place.

A few updates:

I have been working as a Day Camp Director and that is over now.
I still write in my dream journal, but the entries are becoming less and less, and more and more boring. I am usually a vivid dreamer with lots of content but for some reason, it has really slowed down.
To supplement the lack of content in the dream journal, I am reading a book called "Personality Types: Jung's Model of Typology" by Daryl Sharp. I know a little about Jung's theories on personality (I vaguely remember finding out I was a EFSJ or something) but I do not know a lot. After reading "The Manticore" by Robertson Davies, reading about the typologies is making The Manticore" come alive in a new way. Perhaps I will meet my "shadow." on this journey.
I fell off my bike again. It requires fixing now.
I have been camping a few times this summer (more than last year anyway).
I have still not registered for school. I gotsta get on that!

So that is about it for the brief up date. I shall post again soon!

my second book project

2006-07-26T20:48:00.000-05:00

I have a running joke with my friend Elisabeth that I am writing a book on "How To Be Like Sara Jane" so that Elisabeth can *improve* her life by being more like me.

A few friends and I have decided to co-author a book, my second book project: "Stupid Excuses, and the Parents Who Make Them." Sounds kind of catchy hey?! The concept came from swapping stories about having to deal with overprotective/underprotective/controlling/aloof etc. parents in our line of work (two teachers, a social worker, and a camp director make up the group). There are very many interesting stories about parents and the excuses they make on behalf of their child for what ever the child has done. There is the unbelieving parent - the one who denies that their child is capable of any bad behaviour and immediately asks to speak to a supervisor about the issue. There is the controlling parent who attempts to redirect any conversation about discipline or redirection into a conversation about how they should sit in the class room every day to monitor the teacher rather than the child. There are the condescending parents who are known to make comments like they were experts, directed to the experts on how to do a job right. Then there is the vindictive parent to boasts empty threat at whomever is brave enough to tell him or her that her child is a total brat.

We laughed for about 1/2 an hour just exchanging stories but the winner was the "unstable" parent - who upon finding out that her daughter was going to be in a cabin at camp with some younger aged girls than her, attempted almost all the said techniques. We called her the "all-in-one" parent. First she tried the condescending route, telling me that I did not know what the hell I was doing and pointing out ways in which I should not have this job (camp director), and urged me to think about all the ways that my inexperience was ruining camp for her daughter. She then tried crying on the phone, (literally crying) stating how stressful it was for her to know that her daughters camp experience was being ruined by some one so inconsiderate as myself. Then she tried to get a hold of my supervisor and she was not available, she told me that I should know better and she proceeded to tell me 10 different ways to do my job as if she had any experience herself. If that sounds like a pain in the ass, it was nothing compared to the time at the end of the week, having to hand this mother's child back in good spirits and the mom turning to me and saying "I always knew my daughter would have a good time at camp. I don't understand why you were making such a big deal about ages and cabin groups."

How do you take a line like that with grace? Rest assured, I let out several cuss words in private until I felt better. Writing this book is going to be easy with so many crazy parents out there.

What are you "most annoying parent stories?" Want to contribute to our book?

i survived camping 2006

2006-07-17T10:11:00.000-05:00

Every year, Elisabeth, Denise and I go camping in some randomly selected camp ground in Manitoba or Saskatchewan. Usually this weekend ends up being a "gong show" (to echo the famous words of Elisabeth) and this particular weekend was no exception! There was our usual tarp set-up to which I had a *few suggestions* to make it work better, there was the usual male attention all weekend long, the usual fishing failures (well documented on Spinster and Lunatic) and this year we added a turtle to the mix.

This summer we went to Black Lake camp ground in Nopiming Park. There we meet some very *happy* men, not because of drink or drugs but just because they were happy. That seemed to be their biggest compliment to us, that we were happy people. Why did they thing we were so happy? Mostly because we were loud and laughing well into the night.

Swimming in the Canadian Shield had its pitfalls. This morning when I woke up, I examined my sore aching feet. It turns out that walking in the rocky waters of Tooth Lake cut up my feet more than I thought - what I thought was just a few bumps and bruises turned out to be quite a bit more with some cuts, swollen toes and a sore ankle. All in the name of fun! (And it was;)

Camping with the three of us seems to be an art of survival of sorts - not because we attempt dangerous acts, but all of us are accident proned, careless and some time a little too *happy* (with the drink) to take care of ourselves. By the end of the weekend, two of us had burns (I had several) and we were all sore. I think that in the future we might be wise to make commemorative T-shirts boasting our accomplishment of surviving our camping trips as the title implies.

For another version of the trip, check out Elisabeth's thoughts.

a day off

2006-07-12T09:34:00.000-05:00

Hmmm. What to do with a day off? I have chosen not to go to work today but I will still be going to volunteer this evening. So I have from now until 3:30 to get done what needs to get done. This is always the challenge of a day off: do I use it to "get things done" or do I enjoy the day. It is sad to say that often the former wins at dictating how my day will go.

Today like most of my days off, I know I need to be task oriented; buy contact lenses (boring and stressful b/c of $$), make my Greenshield claims, clean house and shop/pack for camping. Not exactly fun.

If days off carried no responsibility here's how my day would go:

Brew a big black pot of coffee and sip it outside while reading the paper in the clear crisp morning light.
Water my garden and talk to my plants (ok, I already do this!)
Go for a walk or bike ride to my local farmers market and pick up fresh produce for the day.
Use my new KitchenAid and make a beautiful cool dessert for the hot summer evening.
Go fishing for an hour or two in the river by my house and eat sunflower seeds and drink Jeremy's home made iced tea.
Snooze-read outside.
Have a light supper and invite friends over to have a fire in my back yard, mix up some margaritas with the fresh fruit purchased at the farmers market and eat, drink and be merry all night long.

What do you do on your day off? Better yet, what would you like to do on your day off?

sleeping in the back yard

2006-07-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

Last night I strung my hammock up in the back yard and brought out my sleeping bag and slept outside underneath the stars. A beautiful night! Since the weather has been hot and dry the last several weeks, there are relatively few mosquitoes around and I was bitten once that I know of. The scary part is sleeping outside in a city is feeling vulnerable to attack by person or beasts (in my neighbourhood; woodchucks, skunks, raccoons, fox and crazy squirrels).

Some guy started yelling "recycling, recycling" at around midnight. Strange.

I think I will sleep indoors tonight.

show me respect and i will pave your way

2006-07-10T11:05:00.000-05:00

* This post is dedicated to my friend Elisabeth*

I have posted before about how I am trying to bike more/drive less. I have been biking to work and testing out various routes for the approximately 15.5 km drive. Today was great - I biked the distance in about 50 minutes and averaged a speed of 20.1 kms. To most bikers this probably sounds pretty slow and lame, and I am ok with that. I am more of a leisurely bike rider and don't enjoy biking as so as I feel that point is speed rather than enjoyment of the surroundings. But I digress...

The real reason I am posting is the my dissatisfaction with bikers on the road. Yes, I am a biker and I don't like other bikers, or rather I don't like the behaviours of other bikers on the road. As much as I am a biker, I am also a driver. So here is the rant:

1.) I have witnessed bikers engage in several dangerous road manners while I bike and while I drive. I have no problem sharing the road as a motorist or a biker, but bikers, you really need to get off your high horse and be a part of the mutual respect that it is going to take to make this partnership work. When you as bikers flaunt your vulnerability as a smaller, slower less protected object on the road you need to drive *defensively* not offensively. Do that and motorists will show you respect. Nothing make a motorist more anxious on the road than bikers on the road not playing by the rules. You are going to get hurt which sucks, but we do not want to be the people who hurt you.

2.) Bikers who are constantly ranting and raving about how bad people who drive cars are. I drive both. This make worse for drivers to like the little punks out on the streets trying to take up more room than they deserve. People who bitch about motorist's simply enrage us more when considering this... 3.) You (bikers) don't even deserve a piece of the road. The most deserving people on the road are the motorists and bikers who get that, thank you. Yup you heard me. Cars/trucks/motorized vehicles are higher up on the road way food chain. Why? We are bigger, heavier, faster, and can cause you more damage and destruction that we would like to imagine. Plus, if that is not a good enough reason try this one: motorists buy gas which paves the road. The tax that is paid on gas fixes, builds and creates roads. If you would like to continue to *share* the road, just remember who paid for it. Not you! (Even if you do pay tax like property tax, GST/PST ect. it does not go directly into the roads like gas tax. So if you think you are paying you are not. Unless you drive a car.) I will gladly buy gas and pave the roads and share it with you even though you don't deserve it. I don't ask for thanks but respect buy following the rules.

You want to ride your bike? Good, me too! I love it. I hope you continue and I don't mind that we are on the road together. Punch my car, give me the finger, yell at me or talk about how bad I am for driving a car? That ain't respect. I highly suggest you pick on some one your own size and abandon the David and Goliath complex you have developed.

So show me some respect (as a motorist) and I will pave your way. Literally.

sign of the times

2006-06-29T22:27:00.000-05:00

I have the wonderful privilege of presenting a few workshops at a staff training week at Camp Assiniboia. Two workshops deal with on of my favourite groups of people who attend camp - adults with mental and physical disabilities. The third workshop (the most dreaded workshop) is on camp policy around abuse disclosure, suicide, self harm and eating disorders. My supervisor aptly named the workshop "Tough Stuff."

I have been trying to prepare for the last several days and have spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out what it is about this topic the people as young as 16 and as old as 25 (I think) need to hear/experience in order to feel equipped to deal with the situation in a camp setting. I have spend the last two years of my life volunteering at a crisis centre and just when I think I have heard it all, someone comes up with a new way to hurt others. This inevitably spills over into a child's world and now they have to deal with it.

I am no expert, I just have experience. So how did I get myself into this? Policy is great because it tells us the right and wrong answer to problems but does it help us understand, react, support and work as a team? How do we deal with a child after they have told us about what goes on at home? In this respect, our policy tells us that since we are not professionals, it is best not to ask questions we are not prepared to hear the answer to. No leading questions, no clarifying questions, no "can you tell me where he hit you?" Simply report to the right person, follow the chain of command and stay focused in your confidentiality cause. I am obviously being ridged in my representation of how abuse is dealt with, but believe me when I say it is not a more than a fine line when you enter into a situation like this: camp counsellors are not trained in abuse disclosure, peoples lives and livelyhoods are on the line. Credibility, liability and risk become buzz words of the week. Freaky.

So now what? This is essentially the focus of my presentation. How do we move on once we follow the policy? How do you interact with a group of kids after a disclosure? How do we follow a policy that has no regard to the complex and wide range of natural feelings and emotions? This is the part of working with kids that really sucks: some have lives that dark and troubled and it is painful to watch with now power to intervene.

What is it that creates this? Is this "evil?" Is "Satan" behind all of this? Where did humans gain the capacity to hurt one another in an uneven match of adult verses child? How do we pick sides when every one seems to be suffering?

i am in love (with ropes courses)

2006-06-27T23:51:00.000-05:00

I had one of the best weekends in my life this last weekend. I think I am in love with ropes courses. The picture here is of the "multi-vine" element, similar to the one at Camp Assiniboia which I spent last weekend training on.

I took a certification course for the high ropes elements at Camp Assiniboia. The certification is done by a leader that is flown in from Toronto and teaches us how to run the ropes course.

First, physically this is a difficult thing. Lots of upper body strength is needed to haul equipment, climb, lift, hold, break, tie, hang, pull and drag. Despite the obvious physical aspect of the training, I found that just being nervous about being in the air made my body tense. I came home at the end of each day feeling extremely exhausted but satisfied with my accomplishments.

The panicle of the training came during the emergency rescues. We cut (yes, CUT) a rope to free a person without letting them plummet to certain death. I fortunately was the "victim" had the closest view of my only rope supporting me being cut away and was supported by my rescuer. Although I could see what was happening and knew that I would not fall, it was a scary experience. My body reacted as it should no matter what my mind told it.

Our instructor was more than just a ropes instructor. She was into experiential learning training sessions and knew a fair bit about Jungian personality assessments. She was good at it too. She could see right into all of us and had some great insight as to who we were, how we function and how to improve. It was amazing to swap stories and chat in the evenings about her career and experiences. The soft skills involved in creating and leading initiative tasks, intense ropes courses and debriefing are incredible and I have a lot to learn from her. It was experiencing personal growth through her teachings of using soft skills that my co-worker and I both had post ropes training blues as the experience was so meaningful that we were sad when it was over.

words to live by today

2006-06-23T08:07:00.000-05:00

I love listening to music in the morning to help put me into a good mood (not always successful) and to just get ready for the day. Sometimes the music I put on is meaningless, sometimes meaningful. Today is meaningful.

Since I do not know how to post music files, I will share some of the words. Although this song is about relationships (all kinds) it is not about anyone or any experience in my life. The song is on Kinnie Starr's album, Tune Up. It is one part of the secret songs and the end of the CD:

Lets be realistic we all use each other
and if you say you've never used any one you're a liar.
***
Cuz we all use each other like we used food and water
we borrow and exchange our many skills to get farther.
***
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to share
but there is something sad about demanding so much that you can's see what's already there, that you can't see what is already being shared.
***
I make mistakes, but not intentionally
I gave and give you respect and just loyalty.
***

the eBay bug

2006-06-20T23:42:00.000-05:00

I have been bitten by the eBay bug. I recently purchased an Ani Difranco CD "UP UP UP UP UP UP" (1999) for under $6. That includes S&H! Now I am searching for all kinds of stuff. It can be an illusion to how much money you might save as I have found that shipping and handling costs are often times crazy ridiculous (one CD from one dealer costs 7.95 USD). I just put a bid (of 0.01 on another CD). I think I need help...

Some people make a business of this. What is the secret? Do they buy online then sell again? Do they buy from yard sales and then sell online? How do people actually make money at this?

For my next big search - kitchen utensils and cookbooks. This one in particular.

they're here!

2006-06-16T22:58:00.000-05:00

As I was biking home from work in the other evening, and I found I had to keep my mouth tightly sealed to prevent me from inhaling mosquitoes! Not a mosquito, but hoards of them. I guess summer is here in Manitoba.

The beauty of the Creator - birds, spiders, dragon flies, bats and more are all created to eat mosquitoes. They deserve an award for taking care of us delicate humans. Our usually method of dealing with conflict - guns - is no use with this pest. Although, I would not say that I would be surprised that people have tried to shoot the little buggers.

With the ever growing threat of West Nile Virus, all mosquito eating animals and insects deserve our respect, yet we continue to fog and kill the very thing that could help us ward of summer pests. Thanks Sam Katz!

Actually, I do not know which side of the fogging fence I am on. My instinct says don't fog, but I also do not have to live in fear of contracting West Nile Virus. What would my argument be if I were older, or sick already and in real risk of contracting the virus? What would I say if I had sever asthma? Would it be fair of me to demand that if you don't want to be bitten, you should stay inside? What if I were only 12 years old and confined inside b/c of bugs? No matter how much noise I make against fogging Winnipeg, I can't help but be blinded by all the gray area.

What do you say?

spirited energy (what ever the hell that means)

2006-06-15T19:20:00.000-05:00

A mere two days ago, Manitoba was just "Friendly Manitoba." Now we as Manitobans have a new motto/slogan: "Spirited Energy." A recent blogger friend of mine at "Spinster and Lunatic" shared her feelings about the new image and the city has been flooded with radios blaring every Tom Dick and Harry's opinion about it saying "bring back Friendly Manitoba!" The problem with that is while it does appear on our license plates, it is not and has not been our official motto/logo. I believe our old logo was the word Manitoba with a bison behind it something like the one above. It defiantly looks more classy on official documents and pins rather than "Friendly Manitoba." The picture posted here is found on the Government of Manitoba websites.

CBC has been covering this new $2.1 million investment into a new image and logo for Manitoba. You can check out all the hard work that amount of money has brought us here. Basically, it is the slogan "Spirited Energy" and a word logo "Manitoba" with all the letter connecting to each other. Looking at the website, the it is hard to tell what the slogan is about until you start to read some of the text and watch the 2 minute video. The overwhelming message is "Spirited Energy" is about the people that make up Manitoba. Hmmm, when I saw it, I can't I saw myself represented. I was slightly disappointed that the image of prairie farming was a quiet voice, Aboriginal art and history were limited to the video, and it was hard to find First Nations people represented on the website. What I see in the logo/slogan is: Manitoba Hydro, young people, and business. These are the dominant voices and images that I interpret through the art, video and logo. I am sure that those three things are very important, but not very representative of the essence of the Manitoba population.

There are defiantly people on both sides of the fence many who love it and many who don't. Does this new image capture the essence of the people of Manitoba like the website claims? Does it represent our diverse population? Which side of the fence do you fall on and why?

the other blog

2006-06-13T23:48:00.000-05:00

I think that I have previously posted about having 2 blogs, this one and the *other* one that I have not revealed...until now! Yes ladies and gentelmen (or gentleman as I think I have only one male reader - thank to him) I shall reveal the other blog. Or rather it is a link hidden so cleverly (or not) in this post. Those who are worthy will find it and those are not, well just ask me and you shall be guided in the right direction.

I do this because I anticipate some blogging cross over from this and my other blog. The other blog deals with a whole area of my passion - food or rather, the foodie lifestyle. I attempt it in many ways and fail in many ways. Despite what it accomplishes for others, I am growing my foodie wings and I am trying to take steps in the right direction for the distant future of 1) going to some sort of culinary school and 2) owning/cooking at a restaurant.

If you find some of my posts in this blog too dark, depressing, or just plain bizarre - this new one touches on none of that. Happy eating...uh I mean reading.

why i freak out

2006-06-13T07:46:00.000-05:00

Well the dream journal is underway. I thought that this was going to be fun, but I am beginning to realize that there is probably a good reason I forget my dreams as soon as I start my day. My first dream I recorded was of my all time biggest phobia...spiders. Not the great dreams I thought I would record.

A quick run though some of my old texts in psychology revealed a wildly fascinating theory from Freud about phobias as he began to study them in the case study of little Hans and his phobia of being bitten by a white horse. Yes, as you have guess the name Freud cannot be found with out some seemingly crazy sexual cause - to Freud, phobias are linked anxieties to the egos insatiable and inappropriate desires. But I digress...

Back to dreams and spiders. Dreaming about spiders is ok, as long as I don't remember that I was dreaming about them. Now with the dream journal, I am reminded and faced with my fears. I have often thought about "curing" myself with a variety of behavior treatments such as systematic desenstization, where your fears are divided into an anxiety hierarchy; 10-15 stages or levels of increasing anxiety provoking situations involving the phobia. This would me I could create 10 steps of approaching or facing my phobia say from seeing a small spider outside as stage one, to the last stage of having a large hairy spider crawling on my body.

Fuck. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. It has been done by others in this way and throughout my undergrad degree, we studied this concept and it has great success rates...if you get the courage to even try it. I will stick with facing my fears in my dreams.

What is your irrational fear?

the dream journal

2006-06-09T09:01:00.000-05:00

I have recently finished reading the second book in the Deptford Trilogy "The Manticore" by Robertson Davies. The whole book consists of the process of psychoanalysis of a man first introduced in the first of the Deptford trilogy, "The Fifth Business."

Davey Staunton (main character) is the son of a wealthy Canadian man, Percy Boyd "Boy" Staunton has fled to Zurich to visit a Jungian psychoanalyst, Dr. Johanna von Haller after an outburst in public over the unusual circumstances surrounding his father's death.

What I have become interested in was the attention given to dreams and dream analysis. I have previously posted about it, but I have never consistently paid attention to my dreams. Freudians and Jungians place importance on dream analysis in unlocking the wonder of the unconscious. I have found an old and empty note book to keep by my bed side and I am starting to keep a "dream journal." The purpose is not for analysis, but for interest as I have had some pretty crazy dreams that I don't want to forget.

What do you dream about? Any dreams to share that "you will never forget?" How do you feel about dream analysis?

ride

2006-06-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

I did it! I can't believe that I made it with little to no trouble! The task was to bike to work, a mere 15 kms away. Not really that big of a deal right? Well, if you have not bike more than 2 km in any give week, then this is quite a feat.

I was surprised at how little difficulty I had. I thought that 10 minutes into the whole adventure I would be wheezing a the side of the road, wondering if my ass was going to survive. I biked down some major roads in Winnipeg and felt ok. Usually I bike on sidewalks as I am fearful of Winnipeg drivers. I am scared driving in my car, not just when I am on my bike. With my milk crate loaded with files, I took off. I only had to use my bell once, and that was only because I could not stop my self from ringing it just to hear the sound.

Now with this first accomplishment under my belt, I am anticipating the ride home. Although tired, I am looking forward to that feeling of your body hitting the bed and sinking into a deep sleep instantly. Looks like a good day to ride!

how may i help you?

2006-05-31T23:37:00.000-05:00

It has been an interesting day - a day of bad luck I guess. Most things that could go wrong did. All I can say to myself is a line my dad often would say: "the sun will still set tonight and the sun will still rise tomorrow, bringing with it a new day - close your eyes and get some sleep." Wise words from him coming from a man who does not lose any sleep. Tomorrow feels like it should be a mental health day to recover and recuperate. Why are mental health days not a part of work routines like sick days are? Why is it more acceptable to have a physical sickness with the body than it is to recover from stressful events, mental health issues, or trauma? What does that say about society? But I digress...

For years I have thought the more stress I could handle the more successful I could consider myself. I hope that this value is fading as it seems useless and futile to "show off" a capacity for self suffering - a North American trait towards individualized lifestyles.

Not that today was so bad, it just seemed to me that the little things seemed like big things. In paying attention to that I know that if I cannot handle the small problems, something in my life is pulling me out of balance. In this situation I quickly respond by finding someone else who needs help taking the focus off of me and letting me avoid it. Not great behaviour for a budding counsellor. But that is life, learning where things need to change, changing them when I can and hoping I can take it with me. The sun will set tonight (it already has) and it will rise again tomorrow morning. What am I going to do with a brand new day?

names for my bike gang

2006-05-30T10:54:00.000-05:00

Now that the Manitoba is finally warm and sunny, it is time to get out the bicycle! This is the first year that can remember since grade 7 that I actually wanted to ride! It is also the second time in my life I have ever owned a bike. It is this bike. It is not that I hate bikes, its just that I had way cooler forms of transportation (posts about my "other" children a.k.a. car and motorcycle at a later date).

Perhaps it is my obsession with being independent that I value all ways of getting around. Not counting walking/running I own/have 4 ways of getting around the city with out a bus pass. This seems a little excessive but coming from a farm outside of a small town, you learn to find ways of maintaining your independence. When I was in grade 7 I bought a bike so that I could pedal the 2.5 miles down the highway to go to school (and back in the day when we didn't wear helmets). What I remember most was not having to ride the bus - not that it was terrible, but now I could rely on my own self to decide my destination. It was freedom with two wheels.

Now, in my new bike awakening, I feel passionate to bike around just for the fun of it. I might start a bike gang - anyone want to join in? First I need a name...suggestions any one? My top choice so far is "the EZ riders" and second choice is a name is stole from elsewhere "the Suppa Tuffz."

email (mis)communications

2006-05-29T10:27:00.000-05:00

Ever had one of "those" days when nothing seems to please you, every one is out to spite you, and you are filled with disdain towards everyone and every thing?

Email has made changed the face of communication, however, I am yet to be convinced that it is the most accurate form of communicating personal conversations. Facts, figures, dates and times are all easily transmitted by email text but when communicating our emotions, reactions, dreams and hopes the message often is misunderstood.

Especially on one of "those" days. Not only do I misinterpret what others are trying to say to me, I often inject my own mood into their message. If I am having a bad day, the words of others are laden with sarcastic tones and cutting remarks. This does not only happen with negative emotions, but positive ones as well. When I feel joyful, I tend to glaze over the writer's message that does not match my mood. Years ago, I had sent and email, not being fully aware of the miscommunication that can happen, I thought that I would stress or highlight the important content of me email WITH ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This was done totally without malice, but the response I got back was a angry "why are you yelling at me!?" Lesson learned (and perhaps that is why I still write all my emails with out a single capital letter).

It is hard to say what you really want to say over email, as so much meaning is lost when you eliminate tone, intonation, cadence and body language. I say good luck to the word in the age of the blackberry. For those of you out there who need a *little* help articulating what we really want to say in an email, check this out.

Does mood effect the way you perceive other people's intentions, whether through conversations, emails, letters etc? What are your stories with it? Any big slip ups?

a quick sip in the morning

2006-05-27T08:53:00.000-05:00

This is the reason I wake up in the morning; the sound of the coffee brewing, pouring the hot liquid in to my favourite mug, walking outside in the fresh morning air and taking that first sip of coffee! Heaven.

Although I do not possess the most state of the art brewing equipment, (I don't even grind my beans fresh each morning) some how I have been blessed with above adequate coffee each morning. The coffee gods definantly smile down on me each morning as I take my first wonderful sip of deep, rich, aromatic and sweet and creamy coffee. Like a great dark chocolate that has a hint of fruitiness to it, coffee such as this brings a quality of sweetness in the richness. No cream, no sugar required - in my opinion coffee is good when you get the creaminess and sweenets through the a perfect cup of black coffee. Don't believe me - I invite you over to my house Monday morning for a taste test!

[Photo taken from tonx at flickr. Click here to see more of this beautiful coffee art]

the first of many

2006-05-26T00:25:00.000-05:00

I guess this is the first of many late night posts for me. Sleeping has been a love/hate relationship for me. Many nights (like the last two) I lay awake in bed thinking about anything other than sleep. What thoughts keep me up? The most common theme when I can't sleep is "mistakes I have made." All you counsellor folks out there know what I am talking about and I see you rubbing your hands in delight.

Spending alone time thinking about every wrong thought, lie, deception, inappropriate joke, and malicious action you have ever done does not put you in the mood for a sleep, but prime nightmare environment. Lately my punishment has been to dream that my teeth are being pulled out. What would Freud say about that?

Perhaps I just need this drug to help me - or the simple solution - stop with the reliving of all mistakes I have made. Sweet dreams!

In the beginning....

2006-05-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

Here is my beginning in the blog world. Actually, for some reason on February 14, 2005 (anyone wish to psychoanalyse?) I opened this blog account but today, May 24, 2006 is my first post. With stats like that, you know this blog will be a success.

Pessimism aside, I am making no promises that this blog will entertain you (ok, maybe I should stick with the pessimism) I only hope that I can gain a few loyal readers who will stay with me and even link my blog to theirs. *hint*

What ever may come in this blog, I can only hope that this is the beginning of somthing good.